The Reddit Goth Community Is A Fucking Mess

This goth mess looks more appealing  to me than the goth Reddit community.

This goth mess looks more appealing to me than the goth Reddit community.

Is there a train-wreck of a site that you visit sometimes to see Darwinism at work? Well, the Reddit goth community is the one that I can’t stop looking at no matter how much I try. Even though sometimes it gets me pissed off to no end I can’t stop going back. It’s like it has its evil tendrils of death gripped onto me and I can’t tear free of them!

By now you must be wondering what the hell is wrong with it. Why is she so annoyed by just a message board? There is one thing that I can’t stand, and that is people who act like they know what they are talking about, while in fact they don’t have a fucking clue. I’m not talking about people who innocently make a mistake, I’m talking about idiots who like to rewrite history in order to make themselves look like they know it all and that their point of view should be the truth. It’s willful ignorance.

The mod over there, a guy named Grim Wizard, lives in DC and is into the cyber side of things. That comes into play in this rant, trust me! Well, every single fucking time a thread is started asking about the history of the goth subculture this fellow goes on and on about how EBM saved the goth subculture in the 90’s Obviously the guy doesn’t know what the hell is talking about since it didn’t need saving. I mean, what the hell did it need saving from? Cthulhu? I don’t know! Anyway, he goes on about how goth music was dead and that if EBM hadn’t of ‘taken over’ then the subculture would have died. Those of you who are old enough to remember differently are banging your heads into a wall at this point, I know the feeling! Now, every time he does this I make a point to comment that his view of what happened isn’t the truth, that there were tons of bands around at the time who played guitar oriented music, but he always ignores me and starts in on it again in a different thread. The worst thing about all of this? The guy isn’t old enough to remember what happened during that time! That’s right, the shit is perpetuating some crap that he isn’t even old enough to have been in on.

Another thing that really gets my panties in a bunch is the people on there who keep listing only metal bands as goth, or even Marilyn Manson. Even with the internet these fuckwits still don’t know about actual goth bands. I have no problem with metal, in fact I love early Danzig and Metallica, but at least I know the difference between the genres. I know that there is a thing called goth metal these days, but it is different from traditional goth music and should be stated as such. It sure as hell shouldn’t be heralded as the only form of goth music. Get it together kids, do some research!

Then there are the threads asking about how to get into the subculture. Kid, if you are asking about how to get into a subculture then you don’t have the interest in the first place. It should be something that kind of comes naturally, not something that you can pick and choose like a bottle of vodka. Christ, If you have to be told what is spooky and how exactly you should dress than you have it all wrong. I know this isn’t a phenomena to Reddit, but it gets to really absurd lengths there! Also, there is the whole ‘what category of goth am I’ crap. Do you need your identity to be that rigid and defined? if I told you that you had to dress in mourning clothes every single day, even to get a Slurpee at the store, would you go out and do it just because I ordered you?

Yes, I’m still going to visit it, even after this rant. Maybe I should start a topic there all about how to turn cowboy goth or something?

 

 

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The Reason Why Goths/Punks/Freaks Don’t Greet One Another Any Longer

Gothpunk/freak fashion has gone mainstream folks, get used to it.

Goth/punk/freak fashion has gone mainstream folks, get used to it.

Why don’t weirdos greet each other any longer when they are out and about? I’ve heard that question asked time and time again on the internet. The answer is very simple; the visual differences that used to identify weirdos have gone mainstream, and you can never tell these days if somebody is merely copying the fashion or is truly strange.

I’m going to sound old, I know that and accept it. ‘Back in the day’, if you were a weirdo of any kind, you could be walking down the street, see another weirdo and give them a smile, wave or whatever and be acknowledged in turn. It was really easy back then to identify another of your species because they dressed funny like you and had funny colored or shaved hair. Seriously, it was like a club. I made friends back then with all sorts of freaks, from SHARP skinheads and Mods, to skaters. There were so few people in each distinct subculture that you kind of huddled together for safety. There weren’t the divides between the subcultures like there seem to be now. Also, I knew people from a lot of different areas within the San Francisco Bay Area.

What changed? The elements that made each subculture different have been co-opted by the fashion industry and popular culture over the years. When I first dyed my hair magenta in the very late 1980’s not very many people were doing it. Of course, I knew I wasn’t doing anything new, but it wasn’t exactly popular either. The only people who dyed their hair rainbow colors back then were weirdos. The same goes for dressing in strange outfits. Studs or spikes, that used to be seen just on punk gear and leather jackets, has now been stuck on everything from purses to sweatshirts. It’s to the point where I won’t wear studs or spikes because it’s become sort of crass to do so in my opinion.

This is crass folks.

This is crass…and I’m not talking about the band.

Where I am living now everybody from teen moms to pensioners are dyeing their hair every color of the rainbow. It’s so normal to do that here that I feel kind of strange dying my hair purple these days. Well, I did it before them, so there! There are also people who dress in black with their pre-manufactured spike covered gear walking around who for all intensive purposes are pretty much fashion victims just trying to follow some sort of ‘underground’ trend that they think makes them look unique. Um…no. They are known on the net as nu-goths, which is ridiculous since they don’t listen to Goth music. I mean, if we were going to label everybody who dresses in black a Goth does that mean that nuns and priests are God-Goths?

I personally don’t feel comfortable acknowledging any of the above mentioned types because I know that I will have absolutely nothing in common with any of these people. Yes, I’m making some assumptions, but really it isn’t worth the bother these days.

Morbid History: The Plot to Kidnap Abraham Lincoln’s Corpse

Lincoln's corpse lying in state in Washington D. C..

Lincoln’s corpse lying in state.

I don’t have to give you a detailed history about Abraham Lincoln, because the vast majority of you know at least who he was. Basically he was the President of the United Sates during the Civil War, and right after it ended he was assassinated in Ford’s Theater in Washington D. C. while watching the play Our American Cousin. He was shot in the head and managed to cling to life for a few hours before expiring. What I find even more interesting than the story of his death is the fact that there was a plot to kidnap Lincoln’s body and hold it for ransom!

The year is 1876 and Lincoln was resting in an above ground white marble sarcophagus in a tomb in Oak Ridge Cemetery located in Springfield Illinois. At the time of his death many wanted his remains buried in Washington DC but Mary Todd wanted none of that and decided that Lincoln should go back from whence he came. Oak Ridge Cemetery was located outside the city proper and was quite isolated. There weren’t any guards located there and not even a night watchman making the rounds. So, you could pretty much enter the cemetery at night and nobody would know, or care, that you were in there.

Lincoln's tomb, a fun day out for the whole family!

Lincoln’s tomb, a fun day out for the whole family!

If you were a counterfeiter whose friend was arrested and now in jail what would you do to get the attention of the authorities? That’s right, you would attempt to steal the corpse of Abraham Lincoln and hold it for ransom until not only was your friend released but until you received $200,000! The guys who thought up this plot weren’t the smartest crayons in the box, that’s for certain! Big Jim Kennally, a Chicago crime boss and leader of a group of counterfeiters, convinced two members of his gang, Terence Mullen and Jack Hughes, to kidnap Lincoln’s corpse even though neither of them had any experience when it came to grave robbing. To rectify that situation they asked a reputed grave robber named Lewis Swegeles to help them out, but he in fact worked for the Secret Service and gave away the plot to Patrick Tyrrell who was the head of the Secret Service office in Chicago.

You would think that breaking into an unguarded tomb in an unguarded cemetery would be an easy task, especially for career criminals. After all there was only a single padlock keeping the door of the tomb closed. The idiots couldn’t even pick the lock so they had to actually file their way through it. Not only that they didn’t think of the logistics of opening up the sarcophagus and lifting the coffin out. It was made out of wood and lead and weighed over 500 lbs! While they were tying to ponder how to lift the damn thing out they heard gunfire coming from outside. It turns out that Tyrrell, and other Secret Service officers, were waiting outside for them and had accidentally discharged a firearm. Somehow the robbers ran out and got away, but were soon caught back in Chicago.

Lincoln's burial chamber.

Lincoln’s burial chamber.

After all of this the people who were in charge of the tomb started to worry that others would get the same idea, so they decided to secretly bury Lincoln’s coffin in the basement of the monument. Yes, Lincoln was in the basement of his own tomb in a shallow grave for just about 25 years without anybody, but the people who buried him, knowing! There he stayed until 1901 when his coffin was finally removed, lowered into a large vault and covered in tons of cement. I’m guessing that under the weight of that cement that his body is pretty much toast. His coffin is supposedly surrounded by a steel cage, but we are probably never going to be able to see his corpse ever again! How unfair!

Why Don’t Films Get Goth Right?

Do you know what’s sad as hell? The fact the screenwriters, and directors, still almost never correctly portray Goths. Most of the time the are aggressive teen girls who have attitude problems and look like they shop at Hot Topic. Here is a list of the worst offenders.

We are the weirdos! No, no you aren't.

We are the weirdos! No, no you aren’t.

A lot of those who claim to have been Goth as teenagers go on and on about how they loved The Craft and how they modeled themselves on the character Nancy. Who is Nancy? An aggressive teen Goth girl who looks like she got her clothes from Hot Topic and has an attitude problem. Absolutely no surprise there, right folks? Of course she is rather evil as well and goes all power-hungry towards the end of the film, which makes her totally insane. Goth chicks all practice Wicca and are secretly insane and are just waiting for the right moment to come before releasing their inner insane bitch. This was made right after the Columbine massacre so the filmmakers perpetuated the angsty Goth model. A friend and I went to see it and during the part where Nancy declares that her and her friends are weirdos my friend shouted really loud ‘I am the weirdo!’. That will always crack me up!

A gaggle of Goths in Satan's School For Girls.

A gaggle of Goths in Satan’s School For Girls.

I am watching the remake of Satan’s School For Girls while writing this and it’s what gave me the idea for this article. Thanks! Well, this little tale has a whole group of Goth girls supposedly practicing Satanism, when in fact they are practicing Wicca. Goths always have to choose between the two, and it’s so difficult isn’t it? There are times I wake up in the morning and can’t decide! All of the Goth chicks in this look like walking advertisements for Hot Topic circa late 1990’s. They all have normal colored hair and really bad accessories. They all just need some hugs and wardrobe advice, from somebody who is actually in the damn subculture!

My life is a big dark room.

My life is a big dark room.

Notice how this film was made right around the same time as the two above? This became a trend! This time it’s super angsty Kim who is psychic! Not only does she smoke cigarettes, or maybe they are cloves, she has an attitude problem. I’m beginning to get all grumpy repeating that, but I didn’t write these films so it’s not my fault. Just like Nancy she goes kind of nuts in the end and realizes that she helped kill some people. Maybe all Goths have repressed memories of this and we are all inherently evil! Kim has a collar on, but she doesn’t look quite as bad as the characters in the other films do. I like how Kin is all hanging about in a cemetery when we first meet her, because Goths love cemeteries, right guys! Okay, yeah a few of us do!

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

The Bride Of Chucky featured a Goth named Damien. Yes, Damien. He’s a typical sleazy Goth guy with really awful tattoos and a bad sense of fashion. Also, he’s wearing those damn metal finger point thingies that just scream poseur to me. If you like them that’s your problem. All Goths must be into kinky sex because they dress in all black and are into Satanism and the occult. Do you see a pattern there? Oh, and once again, this was made during the same period as all of the other films. I think studio execs, and writers, thought that Goths were dark and spooky during that time due to the whole Marilyn Manson is scary shitfest and decided that adding them to horror films would be a good fit. It really wasn’t, it was like putting a square peg into a round hole.

Do you know why all of these films got it wrong, or perpetuated the Goth stereotypes? Because these writers, costumers and directors were all lazy as hell. Seriously, I think most of them just turned on Rikki Lake at the time and pattered their Goth character(s) on teens who proclaimed their love for Marilyn Manson by being annoying twats. A sign of a good film is when the filmmakers put an effort into their final product. I’m not saying that these films aren’t entertaining, because they are, but they just don’t get Goth right.

Ghetto Gothic Is Neither Gothic Or Original, So Get Over It.

This woman is stealing the ghetto gothic look! Oh noes!

This woman is stealing the ghetto gothic look! Oh noes!

Just this morning I read this stupid article on Vice about how black subcultures, particularly Ghetto Gothic, are being appropriated from the people who created it. Ghetto Gothic is spelled an entirely different way than the form I’m using here, however the other version hurts my eyes so I’m being a bit proper about things.

Anyway! A DJ in New York who goes by the name of Venus X claims to have started the Ghetto Gothic subculture and went on a rant a few months ago about how Rhianna was stealing the look she invented without giving her any credit. A look that some random DJ invented? What? Wait a second, our friend didn’t invent dressing in black, in fact she copied another subculture and spawned some hybrid creature that shouldn’t exist. Venus X claims that Ghetto Gothic is all about art and isn’t about how expensive the clothes are. Yeah, sure, and I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell to you! Hip hop and rap have only been about just the image for a very long time. Venus X actually threatened to close her club night after all of this happened because she was so angry about it. Maybe she is Goth after all, because I’ve seen TONS of Goth DJ’s do this over the years. Drama llamas.

It’s obvious that this Venus X chick thinks that the Goth subculture is only about dressing in black, that dressing in black automatically makes you dark and mysterious. Venus X comes across as dark and mysterious as an egg salad sandwich. I find it the height of comedy that somebody complains about a celebrity stealing ‘their’ look when they themselves stole the look from somebody else. What next, is she going to say that nuns are stealing her look? People have been dressing in black for ages, besides those who are of the Gothic persuasion, so who the heck is she to get all up in arms about all this?

So, what it comes down to is a mostly white subculture being borrowed by a mostly black subculture, then that black subculture getting mad at a black woman for stealing the look. I couldn’t make up this teenage drama even if I tried! If a person is only dressing in black, and doesn’t listen to Goth subculture based music then I don’t consider them to be a Goth. End of story.

The Cult Of Alternative Modeling Bothers Me

What I like to call Gothic Booty magazine.

What I like to call Gothic Booty Magazine.

What is it these days with every other goth/punk/deathrock chick wanting to become an alternative model? WHY? Is it because they simply want some attention? If that’s the case they should get a puppy, because I hear they like people. Is it because they think their look is so different that their presence will launch a thousand ships? Everything ‘different’ these days had been done before. Whatever the reason it really annoys the hell out of me.

Alternative models may have brightly colored hair and tattoos but at the end of the day they are more than likely white and skinny. Let’s not sugarcoat this mess, because that is the way it is. What is the difference between that and the so called normal modelling world? Nothing. Slap on some hair dye, get one of those nautical star tattoos and BAM you’re suddenly an alternative model. If alternative modelling is all about being different then where are the people of different ethnic backgrounds and sizes? I’m sure that there are alternative models who fit into those two descriptions but they are totally outnumbered by people who are considered conventionally attractive. Even if they have piercings or tattoos it doesn’t matter, because publications and websites will still choose mainly white models over others.

Some of the big fallout from this is that there is a whole group of people out there who now set out to fetish all women who look alternative. This may not seem like a big issue but let me explain. Instead of now being just considered freaks there are a lot of women, such as myself, that are looked upon as freaks that others would now like to fuck. All of a sudden it’s alright for these jerks to say online, and in real life, that they would a piece of Goth/punk/deathrock ass. Suicide Girls, among others, have perpetuated the notion that all alternative women are basically sluts to be looked down upon. For some reason dressing strangely is now equated with being sleazy, which it shouldn’t be.

What most disturbs me about all of this is seeing girls online who get tattoos and piercing just so that they can fit into a mold and become an alternative model. Changing your appearance for anybody else but yourself is a bad idea, very bad. Before the internet came into being I remember people claiming they were Goth models, but all that meant in the 80’s was that your friend took photos of you in a cemetery. I still find that deeply funny and kind of endearing, however I never knew anybody back then who drastically changed their look just to become one. One reason being was that there wasn’t a real market for it. With the advent of the internet everybody and their mother signed up to alternative modeling sites in hope of being discovered. Discovered for what? I have no idea! The best they are going to do is being on the cover of a magazine that nobody takes seriously anyway, so why even bother?

Am I writing this just because I’m jealous? Hell no, I was a freak before a lot of these kids were born and I will be one way after they take out their piercings and go back to their natural hair color.

Smallpox Vials Found In A Storage Room?

This doesn't look like fun!

This doesn’t look like fun!

Recently employees who were transferring lab equipment from one place to another discovered six vials of the smallpox virus dating back to 1954. If that isn’t worrying enough testing has come to the conclusion that two of those vials still contain the active virus. That’s right, there were vials of the active smallpox virus just sitting in an unused storage room for about 60 years.

Smallpox is an awful disease. The most common form of it, Variola Major, killed 30% of those who caught it and quite frequently it permanently disfigured those who survived. First you would have flu like symptoms, and once you started to feel like you were getting better you started breaking out in bumps all over your body. The bumps would start filling with fluid, grow and then burst. Those who got them near the eyes were at risk of going blind. Sounds like fun, eh? As somebody who has had chickenpox I can’t imagine having something even worse than that.

What else do they have hiding out in old disused storerooms? Anthrax maybe?

The good news? Smallpox was eradicated worldwide in 1980 and there have been no reported natural cases of it reported since then. However, there are labs who actually keep the live virus for experimentation purposes. Personally, I’m not buying that. I think the US and Russia only keep it in order to weaponize it in case WW3 starts and they feel like getting rid of a good portion of a population. Considering how fragmented the late Soviet Union became it’s pretty likely that they are yet more vials of smallpox floating about out there somewhere.

Why Do Goth Proms Exist?

Why???

Why???

One aspect of the modern Goth subculture that I totally do not understand is the concept of having a ‘Goth Prom’. Seriously, I just don’t get it at all. This is a phenomenon that does not go back to the 1980’s and is just plain ridiculous.

I never went to my junior prom or my senior prom. The main two reasons being that I didn’t like most of the people in my graduating class and that I didn’t want my mother to have to waste money on an event that I knew I would be miserable at. Even at that age I was very aware of the fact that a school prom is basically nothing more than a popularity contest. That’s all it is folks, if you think it has any deeper meaning than that I have a bridge to sell you.

There had to have been one person that first came up with the entire of holding a ‘Goth Prom’, and whomever that is should be put into a corner and made to wear a dunces cap. Why the hell would you essentially want to attend an event that is based upon a popularity contest? So what if it has Goth music and everybody is dressed in black, it’s the same damn thing. So, you didn’t go to your school’s prom and want a replacement? The problem isn’t the school prom, the problem is the fact that you think that you have to go to a prom to fulfill some sort of mysterious social contract.

If you want to look special for just one night then buy a really pretty dress and wear it to a Goth club night. It’s as simple as that! You don’t need a ‘special’ night to look pretty. What the heck do you normally wear to clubs, a potato sack with a drawing of Morticia Addams on it? Do you also want to go out with your date to a special dinner? Then go to dinner and a regular Goth club night while all dressed up. Do I really have to explain this? Really?

Tell me, what is the difference between regular culture and the Goth subculture at this point? Well, absolutely nothing as far as I can tell and that makes me a bit sad. Instead of being a group of social outcasts that didn’t really care about social constructs like a prom you now have a bunch of people running around wanting the subculture to be exactly the same as ‘normal’ society. The only difference being people dressing in black and dancing funny. It’s conforming to a societal standard while pretending you’re different from society. Mr. Spock is not amused!